The first Snapper Blog
DISCLAIMER: The following is the sole opinion of Snapper Williams. It is intended for entertainment purposes only, and does not reflect the opinions and/or viewpoints of WQQR-FM or Bristol Broadcasting. That being said… If you are offended, please don’t slash my tires. Please direct that toward Andy Rudd’s pickup.
So, here we are, my friends. The first ever blog of Snapper Williams. I have decided to start things out by telling you a little of what to expect from this blog. I’m going to be honest with you. I’m gonna rant about random topics and crazy news stories I come across and make smartass opinions about them… Well, without further adieu…
SEA WORLD TRAINER DIES IN KILLER WHALE ATTACK
Wednesday, Tourists at Sea World Orlando watched a killer whale fatally attack one of its trainers. Now, I’m not gonna make any stupid comments about a “killer” whale that killed this poor lady. What I will comment on is that this 12,000-pound animal has killed 3 people now in the last 29 years. Now I’m pretty sure after the first person died, they were like “Okay, this was a freak accident.” But after the second person died in 1999, that fish should have been shipped off to the cat food factory. And I read earlier today that officials at Sea World have decided to keep the murderous creature because it is “a part of the breeding program at Sea World and he has seven companions there in Orlando.” What? The thing kills 3 people and he not only gets to stay in his plush lifestyle [okay, it’s a nice fishbowl] and he still gets to get some with seven different companions? Okay, maybe I don’t understand the system here. Can’t they find another non-“killer” whale out there? Sorry, that time I just couldn’t stop myself.
GUY BULLDOZES HOUSE TO AVOID LOSING IT TO BANK
So this guy in Ohio bulldozed his house a week before losing it to the bank in a foreclosure. What was this guy thinking? Honestly, this is like saying I owe Nick Black $50 and instead of him taking something of mine, I’m gonna cut off my thumb. Yeah… that’ll show him to loan me money… Anyways, apparently this guy had used his home as collateral when he wanted to start a business and, thanks to our great economy right now, it tanked. So, instead of losing the house in a foreclosure, he bulldozed the $350,000 house he was living in. Doesn’t he realize that he still owes the bank the money, and now even more money since he’s homeless? Some people just surprise the hell out of me with the level of incompetence.
DUMB LAWS: TAMPA TEEN ARRESTED FOR WEARING CLOWN MASK
In Tampa this week, a nineteen-year old guy was arrested because he was walking down a street with a clown mask on during the day. Okay, this sounds like something I would have done when I was his age, but he was arrested? Because of what? Public stupidity? Acting like a creepy guy, because he was wearing a mask in February? But according to Florida Law [and I looked this up to make sure it was accurate]: “No one over the age of 16 can appear on any public road while wearing any mask, hood or device whereby any portion of their face is hidden, concealed or covered as to conceal the identity of the wearer.” I think the question here is: Why was he wearing the mask? Did he just lose a bet with his buddies and have to wear it in public as part of losing? Did he have a hideous growth on his forehead that would scare little children away? Was he on illicit recreational drugs? Well, regardless of why he was wearing the mask, this law is about as dumb as another law I found for the great State of Nebraska: “Whale fishing is prohibited inside the state of Nebraska.” [well, crap. It seems I have come back to the subject of whales again.] But seriously, I could maybe understand the problems that may arise from wearing this mask, but get real. This probably just a dumb prank and the cop had nothing better to do.
[Side note: I am not saying that police don’t have anything better to do than harass people on the street. I support local law enforcement officers]
Well, it looks like this is the end of our chapter today of “Snapper’s Rants.” Be sure to tune in next Friday with new stories and rants! Remember to keep it cool… the beer, that is.
EDITOR’S NOTE: No whales were harmed in the making of this article.
